The Three Natures of Man: The Good, The Evil, and the Man Struggling Between

I do not understand what I do...It is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me...For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing...I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin. I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 7:15-25

For those of you that have read Ted Dekker, you already know what an awe-inspiring writer he is. For those of you who don't, I highly recommend picking up this book I just couldn't put down, Thr3e. Something I have not revealed yet is that I am an aspiring writer...if only God could have granted me the gift he has this man...not that we are to covet one anothers talents (a silent sin I must confess..you'll see why in a moment).

In Thr3e, the main character, Kevin, looks like your everyday man. In fact, he is your everyday man...with a secret that is trying to overtake him. He's good looking (why are all the hero's and heroine's good looking? Well, most), a seminary student...and deeply intellegent. What's not to like? His shattered and broken childhood.Out of the blue, a stranger appears out of the blue who's sole desire is to tear Kevin down...mentally. What falls but does not break? What breaks but does not fall? He is consumed with opposites, and threes. There is a bomb in the car Kevin, and it will blow in 3 minutes if you don't confess your sin. When Kevin is unaware of what "sin" he is too confess, he gets off the busy road as quickly as he can, cutting off drivers and clipping fenders. He gets to a safe place and, just when it seems that the stranger is just trying to make Kevin look like a fool- the car blows. The game is on.

He places a call to his best friend from childhood, the only one who knows at least some of his secrets, but even she doesn't know all. Samantha, who is now with the California Bureau of Investigations, comes to his aide.

But what happens in a world where nothing is what it seems? When black is white, when good is evil, and what's real is unreal?

Okay, so this sounds like a book review...which it is. I loved the book. But, even more so, a review on our lives. Kevin has this facination with absolute morals in the book, after his adoptive mother decided that the only truth in the world was what she made it...everything else is unreal. But he sees the same "sins" within the church as he saw in real world...just covered up, slid under the rug...kept in the dark. What sins do we hide that we don't want the real world to see? What demons do we battle behind the scenes while everyday we smile and go on our merry way?

And how do we beat them? We shine the light on them. Bring them out of the darkness and expose them to the light of day. They wither away. What I want to do I do not do and what I don't want to do I do. I don't wish to yell at my kids, but I'm tired. My nerves are stretched. I want to be affectionate with my husband, but instead I lie and pray that he might touch me instead, crying warm tears and hoping he doesn't hear. Other sins that go on behind closed doors that no one knows about...sometimes the closed doors of our minds.

But, now how to go about exposing the light of day to them? I know what the Word says, and Jesus is the Light of the world. I know this. But, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. This is the man struggling between the two. And so the role play continues, until we find the answer.

Time in a Bottle

My four year old has recently become obsessed with, of all things, time. Perhaps this is my fault. You see, she is my "dilly-dally", the one who becomes distracted by everything. And, if you are running late in the morning, you could probably look to her for the reason. It's hard to get upset, though, when you realize that's how God designed her. The last month or so, she has finally learned that there is this thing that God created for us humans that is the glue that binds this universe together. Without time- everything would be chaos. She may not understand this, totally, but she's beginning to ask about today verses tomarrow, Monday verses Friday. She knows that Mommy has Saturday and Sunday off from work and that Sunday is "kids church". She knows preschool falls on Monday and Wednesday. She also knows to watch the clock on the tv and when it says 8 it is bedtime. She also knows that if it says 9 she has missed 8 and bedtime. With this new found realization it's also changed her perspective on how long someone she loves is gone. When I leave for work in the morning, a simple "I'll be home later" sufficed. Now, it's not so simple. "BYE MOM! I LOVE YOU! When will you be home?" "I'll be home later, sweetie." "No. What TIME will you be home?"Hmmm...now she's locking me in on a time. I think about what I have to do that day and if I have to make any stops. I have to phrase this one carefully, though, because she has a memory like an elephant. This child remembers things that happened when she was a baby when I can't even remember what I ate for lunch yesterday. "I'll be home when the clock will say 5, 3, and 0. If I'm going to be late, I will call you." I kiss the munchkin on the top of the forehead, and she is satisfied.She anticipates my return. She loves me, loves being with me, and misses me when I am gone. How much more should we be like this with our Heavenly Father. The older I get, the more I learn about how marvelous and wonderful He is, the more I anticipate His Return. For God, time has no meaning, but in His infinite wisdom, He created it for us. Someday we will not count our somedays...sometime very soon it will not have meaning for us either. We will still have our memories, but we will not be able to remember when. But for now, we wait. Rachael waits for her mommy to come home. We wait until Abba sends His son to come for us. Blessed be the day.

Escape the Madness

Our Easter theme this year was Escape the Madness. Yes, I know, Easter was over a week ago but I've been busy...running from my madness. I haven't been quiet about what my madness is. Living in my mom's house with my own family. Well, I'm excited to say that hopefully next Saturday I will leave part of my madness behind me as we finally are getting back into our own place again. Our own space. Life is good. But it's caused me to ponder today the things people do to escape their madness. There are a few, intellegent people that just take some personal time, go off by themselves with a good book and vegitate. Or, there are some that prefer to take a day to pamper themselves and go to a spa (I don't have the $$$ to do that, would that I could, so I try to do a personal spa treatment at home...doesn't quite have the same effect.) I once read an article from a well-meaning Christian wife and mother that doubted all of this "me" time. She argued that when one gets accustomed to "me" time and then doesn't get it, it can turn into resentment against her husband and kids. So, she for one lives perfectly fine without it. Wow, make that woman a saint for she is better than God himself...for even he rested on the seventh day. He would take walks through the Garden in the cool of the day. Others turn to not so positive means of escape. For some, nicotine is their way of settling their nerves. Some overeat. (I don't think this is my problem...I'm just a foodie by nature and love to eat.) Others escape into a world of fantasy. Role playing games, computer games...sometimes they would rather sit idlely by controlling characters on a screen than face their family-their wife, their kids. Others, escape into a world of alcohol and drugs. Escape sometimes comes at a price. The feeling of Abandonment. Picture with me a loving couple. Both plagued with past heartache that they share openly with each other, but neither can "fix" the other. It could be either, but perhaps most of the time it's the wife that shoves her baggage off to the side to make room for more in her life- her husband's baggage, plus just the new role that being a wife gives, and eventually motherhood. The husband, in this case anyhow, still can't clear the hurdles of his past. He thinks he's brought them to the Lord, put them at his feet. But then, rushes back to pick them up again, afraid to go on without them. In one suitcase he's bundled the death of his best friend. In another, the abandonment by his family. In a third, the violation he's experienced at a young age. They are heavy, cumbersome. They hurt to carry them. So, he's chosen other means to escape them, make them easier to carry. Alcohol. Drugs. He's done things to forget. Yet, he can't. He has since laid down the drugs, but the alcohol lingers. It no longer carries a sting. It goes down as smooth as water. Fantasy also pulls him in. Immersing himself for hours in a world that would otherwise be socially unacceptable for him to be in...gambling away fortunes he himself will never realize in real life, violently killing others who stand in his way of him creating an empire for himself. It's control, control he's lost in real life.The wife is left by herself. Dealing with the reality of children, diapers, housework, career...A life she loves, but she feels again abandoned by the man who is supposed to love her unconditionally. She cries herself to sleep at night because he is to ashamed of himself to love her, so he turns away from her. And yet, he has felt the Ultimate Escape. The escape that comes from only one source...the Holy Spirit. She has felt it too...and only in His Presence do they feel the connection between themselves heal, and they feel like one again. Only in the Light can healing begin. Only there they can Escape to Peace. Freedom is coming...little by little. She cared enough to give the ultimatum. Get help or get out. Tough love. He got help for the alcohol. The only negative escape now, the only addiction left, is the game. The fantasy. But the abandonment still lingers.There is only one answer.