So, it's been a long time since I have posted. I mean, a long time. Make that a long, long time. A few things have changed since I last posted.
For one thing, I had one more baby. My last one. Bubba. He makes our family complete. He's three now, actually. Yeah, I told you it's been a long time.
Second, I finally got a teaching job. I'm in my second year here. It's pretty cushy. Okay, it's not that cushy... it's not in a typical high school, but an alternative school, and while I love the kids, I find myself rewriting curriculum in English and Social Studies for myself and three other teachers. For myself, I know what I want my classes to look like. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my vision...so there have been a few more bumps in the road this year than last.
Third, my oldest daughter- that little four year old Dilly-Dally I spoke of before who is distracted by EVERYTHING- has been diagnosed with ADHD-combined and adjustment disorder. However, I'm anticipating that to change to more of an oppositional-defiant disorder, and maybe some anxiety disorder. And, the older she gets (she's 9 now) the worse it seems to be. My second daughter has also been accepted into the High Ability Learners program, which has caused some friction between the two, and friction in the family. Dilly Dally meets with a new therapist next week. Say some prayers that this one works. The previous therapist believed in the beauty of play therapy which, for Dilly Dally, was just content with- one on one attention while she got to play games or dolls. Yep, not going to get much opposition from her there! In fact, her therapist was insistent that she did not have ADHD...because she could focus on one game from beginning to end.
She's the only Kindergartner that I'm aware of that was ever sent home with homework- every night. In first grade she was in detention for the day for stealing a piece of candy from the teacher's desk. In second grade she was roaming the room when she was supposed to be listening to the lesson her teacher was giving. In third grade her twenty minute maximum homework would take her 45 minutes...and she still wouldn't be done but was so frustrated we could not continue. Now, in fourth grade she is hiding in bathroom stalls to avoid going to specials and having her work altered so much just so she can get it done- the same child who was reading by Christmas her Kindergarten year! She hits her sisters, tells lies, and when something doesn't go the way she wants it to, she literally runs away from home! Regardless of the number of times I have talked to her (in her lucid moments) on the safety issue of it all and wanting her home safe with me!
Medication- what's your viewpoint? Being more of a naturalist at heart even if paycheck won't allow it, I'm generally against medications. I won't even take a Tylenol or an ibuprofen unless I feel the real necessity of it. However, DD is already taking Euthosuxamide (did I even spell that right?) for absentee seizures (oh, did I mention? She has those too!) so I keep thinking of relenting and putting her on something for the ADHD before she falls further behind at school.
School called last Wednesday- a week ago, to come get her. Apparently in art class something didn't work out as planned and she preceded to tear up her paper and leave it in pieces on the floor- refusing to pick up the pieces. Often, this is what we experience at home through her behavior... when relationships are torn through words we often leave the pieces on the floor. Okay, so I'm stretching metaphors here just a bit. But, so many times I rely in Number 2 to do things for me that require someone with responsibility and maturity- things that I know I can't really rely on Dilly Dally to do. Then, #2 gets frustrated because she feels like the one that's always has to be the one to do everything...instead of feeling responsible and important.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN ...I relate to this so much because it seems so often that #2 gets all the praise for doing all the right things, and Dilly-Dally then is compared to her "little" sis. How embarrassing! And, of course this does not help her make the right decisions...if anything else she "reacts" and acts out even more so. I tell them frequently that I am not paid to be a referee, but then it seems someone has to step in and stop the hitting!
If you are not careful, siblings can chose sides for the Super Bowl between two teams; the Saints and the SINNERS. Siblings who are age-appropriately "good" can appear and sometimes intentionally act better, exaggerating the contrast with the ADHD child's less appropriate behavior. Unless you like striped shirts and whistles, and enjoy the role of referee, it would be better to stop that form of scape-goating . You do not have to discourage a child who is applying for a sainthood, unless it is at the expense of another. (Surviving an ADHD Sibling: Healthy Place.com)
We love to have fun in our family, but then it becomes a balancing act between grace and just rewards. I tell my husband all the time that if every time we wanted to have fun it had to be based on "good" behavior- we would never get around doing anything fun as a family. There has to be an element of grace involved, otherwise we are just the bad parents- always yelling and taking things away, and never creating those good memories the kiddos will have when they are older.
So, welcome again to my little blog. I pray that soon we see changes in DD and the family dynamic all in all, rather than just a continued downward spiral. If you are looking for a picture-perfect, Leave It To Beaver family...you're in the wrong place. If you are looking for something relate-able with your family, stick around. I'll try to ;-)
